Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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