My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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