I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
