Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
