I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
