Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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