I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you made out with another girl for some wings
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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