I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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