i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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