Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why can't burritos get me drunk
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
