my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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