Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
