don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
