sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
