kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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