weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
