i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
