So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If that was your dad, he is hot
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
don't judge my taste in strippers
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize