Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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