I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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