i was born a porn star she said
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
