I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
