32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
