you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
