i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
