So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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