farters have to be the big spoon...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
