Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
