and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
