you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
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It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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