At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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