I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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