Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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