i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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