we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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