Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
