yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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