airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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