I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
