part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
