I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
