Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
