Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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