dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
