escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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