remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why do cheetos always look like penises
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
