I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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