PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
