also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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