addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
