Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
