God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
