Pants 0. Shit 1.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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