There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
