How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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