you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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