You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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