Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
