apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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