You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
