Yo dont text me then not text me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
