i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
