If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
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I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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