her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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