I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
