im drinking this country out of the recession.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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