Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
