i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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