I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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