My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
