I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
