I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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