We're like a lot better than the average bears
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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